Aliens on South Beach Diet Consuming
More Low-Carb Humans – CoverUps.com

The South Beach Diet is all the rage in America and in many celebrity circles. Now it seems the popular diet is being exported to outer space where fat slob-like aliens known as the Wupolary -- androgynous blobs form the Virgo constellation -- have taken up the life changing diet that has more Americans looking their best on the beaches. But the Wupolary's primary source of low carb beef is, well – humans. Many Wupolary are stocking up.

By Scratch De Reno
CoverUps Investigator

ACROSS THE GLOBE – The popularity of fad diets seems never ending and many critics opine regularly of the danger that such trendy diets can lead to, such as Yo-yo dieting, crash dieting and highly restrictive eating habits. We don't consider the dangers of fad diets leaving Earth and getting picked up by aliens from other solar systems. Turns out the South Beach Diet is one such fad that is making the jump to light speed and is becoming all the rage among Wupolary aliens.

“Hey, we're not stupid,” said Bumfat Spillover, a Wupolary that has lost an amazing 4,345 pounds since going on the South Beach Diet about 3 weeks ago."

“Stage one was very difficult as it meant I had to refrain from Krispy Kreme donuts,” he said. “But, after the first week, I was amazed at how easy it was to stick to the diet and that my insatiable appetite for donuts magically disappeared.”

However, what is good for Bumfat may not be so good for the rest of the human race.

Wupolary derive most of their low-carbs from leafy greens, tofu and human beings. Many aliens are not letting up on their consumption of humans, despite our designation by the Intergalactic Preservation Association as an “endangered species that really can’t manage its own planet.”

“I do empathize with the Earthlings,” said Bumfat. “But, you can’t look like Jennifer Aniston on only lettuce my friend. You need a little meat in there, too… Especially, if you want to get that toned look.”

Wupolary are still miffed at an intergalactic banning of Trans Fats, which dramatically makes it difficult for them to find tasty donuts, though the ban does make the Universe more healthy overall.

Wupolary aliens, however, are 99-percent Trans Fats and say the intergalactic ban on Trans Fats has dried up a primary source of sustenance to them. Now, they'll be forced to consume more humans more often since humans are naturally low in Trans Fat. Unfortunately, that translates to more illegal abductions.

“Americans are especially tasty and perfect for the South Beach Diet, due to their ‘Biggie Size’ nature” Bumfat added.

We asked Dr. Arthur Agatston, who developed the South Beach Diet, what he thought of his popular diet now being used by aliens as an excuse to consume humans. His reply was: “Oh, well… At least we're considered health food.”

(Scratch De Reno can be reached at Scratch@CoverUps.com)

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