Corruption, Illegal Microbrewery
Discovered On Uranus - CoverUps.com
By Scratch DeReno
CoverUps.com InvestigatorPHILLY, PA --Coverups.com has obtained a highly confidential NASA report from a low-level, on-site temporary employee at a NASA landscape maintenance facility. This report, which our source said he was told to bury (literally, under a pile of mulch outside the smoking area) details alarming alien infiltration and corruption of NASA and U.S. state and federal regulatory agencies.
When the report surfaced last week, the author of the report, astrophysicist Minh Nguyen, was suspiciously killed in what NASA labeled "a freak super-collider accident."
The report, Uranus: Up Close, details an alien-managed illegal microbrewery operating on the gas planet, which NASA, the Pennsylvania Liquor Control Board, and Alien Eyes Brewing Company have kept under wraps for years.
We followed the trail of illegal bootlegging all the way from Uranus to its North American distribution channels, namely in Philadelphia and Pittsburgh, PA.
When it comes to illicit activity anywhere near Uranus, CoverUps.com digs the deepest! The report implicates Alien Eyes Pilsner, a beer currently sold as a domestic product, for illegally circumventing interplanetary trade tariffs on the importation of outer space brew.
"If beer from Uranus is making it into Pennsylvania this is clearly illegal. But, if it were," said a surprisingly candid Pennsylvania Liquor Control Board Chairman, Patrick J. Marlinson III, "I would rather drink Uranus (beer) than drink beer made with water from the Ohio River."
Phone calls to Alien Eyes Brewing Co. president Rarf Nangork, a flamboyant alien with business holdings spanning the galaxy, were left unreturned.
Nangork, allegedly a close confidant of Chairman Marlinson, was reportedly seen golfing last summer with NASA Administrator Michael Gibson. Both however denied the golf outing every took place and that they are even friends.
"The only alien I know is my housekeeper," joked Gibson.
Perhaps of lesser interest, the report claims Alien Eyes Pilsner was first introduced to the U.S. market under the rather generic name Uranus Beer and was pulled after a very disappointing launch.
"The aliens had a great product but simply didn't understand the U.S. market at the time," said Wade Feldstein, beer industry analyst with Thompson Last Call. "It seemed most Americans were simply wary of drinking a beer from Uranus."
According to national blind taste tests most people described beer from Uranus as tasting very similar to Budweiser.
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