Aliens to Earthlings: Stop Enriching Flour! - CoverUps.com

Enriched flour, a common ingredient in white bread, was banned by the Galactic Non-Proliferation of Flour Treaty, which no one on Earth remembers signing, some 50,000 years ago.

By Scratch DeReno
CoverUps.com Investigator

WASHINGTON - CoverUps has intercepted a top secret communiqué sent FedEx Priority Beam Transport to newly minted White House press secretary Tony Snow last week.

The letter, directly from Alpha Centauri Solar System President Gorf Ion, calls for Earthlings to stop enriching flour immediately or face sanctions. Ion did not rule out the use of (the dark side of the) force. The letter does not spell out what consequences Earthlings would face if they do not stop enriching flour, but the language was stern enough that U.S. Dept. of Defense apparatchiks were told to return from the golf courses, abstain from drinking alcohol and visiting internet porn sites.

"I don't think its fair America is being singled out here," Snow said. "We are not the only nation enriching flour and can hardly speak for the bread-baking world. But, being we are so boisterous and loud, it doesn't surprise me that they (Alpha Centaurians) believe we speak for the whole Earth. I wish it were true, but it simply is not the case. Plus, we never signed a damn thing agreeing to this treaty."

Alpha Centaurian President Gorf Ion "jaws" to Earthlings. He vows to put the clampdown on enriched flour. He claims a cave man signed the Galactic Non-Proliferation of Flour agree-ment on behalf of Earth 50,000 years ago.

The letter states that enriched flour is dangerous threat to the mostly inorganic state of the universe, Alpha Centaurians in particular and that Earthlings agreed to abide by its statutes 50,000 years ago. The report states enriched flour has been known to cause severe "pod-rash" among Alpha Centaurians and other non-carbon based life forms. The report claims "civilizations must be able to prove a certain level of responsibility before enrichment of flour is allowed and Earth clearly does not meet those criteria set forth by the Galactic Non-Proliferation of Flour Treaty." Restaurant chains such as Subway Sandwiches are cited as proof positive that Earthlings are enriching flour daily.

We asked the White House press secretary if this in any way compares to the impasse with Iran over processing enriched uranium, Snow seemed momentarily caught off guards.

A Multigrain loaf not baked with enriched flour. Such bread is legal under the Galactic Non-Proliferation of Flour Treaty, which Earthlings claim never to have signed.

"What, the Iranians are enriching uranium? Those bastards!" Snow said, quickly regaining his bearings. "Hey, we are baking bread with enriched flour. Enriched Uranium can bake the whole friggin planet-I think that is much more troublesome."

For you ignoramuses out there, flour is deemed to be "enriched" versus "fortified" in that it is replacing nutrients previously destroyed in the white flour making process. Enrichment of uranium is beyond the scope of most CoverUps.com readers' mental capacity (as well as the author's) and therefore will not be explained.

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