Space SUVs Here;
'08 Abductors Sighted - CoverUps.com
By Scratch DeReno
CoverUps.com InvestigatorPeyote, Arizona -- Extreme sport enthusiast Wayne "Goose" Peterson, 25, Chicago, Illinois, was paragliding off a Native American burial ground in Arizona, when he noticed what he thought were giant metallic I-Pods soaring over the earth at dizzying speeds. Immediately, he grabbed his camera phone and snapped a photo of the prowling interstellar earth rods, as he wafted to the ground.
"I thought I had slammed too much Mountain Dew, dude," said Peterson, who
delivers Pizzas when not living the insensitive American dream. "These things werethe size of ten-Lollapalooza crowds, Dude. I had never seen anything quite so big Dude."(Stop calling me "Dude" you little twerp! Don't you know that no one who pulls in over 30K a year uses the word "dude" consistently? How do you like that 'dude.' Now get me my Pizza-- 'dude.')
Peterson's account is one of many that have been filtering in to Coverups.com recently.
We turned toward Ufologist, Dr. Danforth Brainerd, who shared a scientific explanation for the sudden appearance of the galactic 4x4s.
"Like Americans, aliens are simply riding the SUV craze too. But the recent rise in the galactic price of hydrogen is going to make these Abductors expensive to operate. Aliens are already feeling the pinch. Additionally, I don't believe GSC fully addressed the safety issues."
Dr. Brainerd is referring to the fuel pump and spark plug issues that plagued earlier versions of the Abductor.
When asked if interstellar flying saucers could be made more fuel efficient and safe, celebrity alien Rarf Nangork had little to say (disclosure: Nangork's investment portfolio includes General Saucers Co. common stock).
"You have to consider where we have come from," Nangork said. "A thousand years ago, UFO's had to be refueled with carbon-based life forms, which means a few humans had to be tossed in the carburetor. These new Abductors can make the trip back to BH I-97 (Black Hole Intergalactic 97) without refueling. That translates to less abductions, dude. Now, that is progress."
(Did an alien just call me "dude?")
Dr. Brainerd, who is planning to publish a book on the issue, Unsafe At Any Warp Factor (Harper Collins Mind Books), disagrees with Nangork.
"Nangork has no place in this conversation," Dr. Brainerd said, adamantly. "His 'tricked out' Abductor was 'booming' along the Milky Way last year and blew out eight of our radio telescopes. He knows they can't handle that kind of bass. He just doesn't care."
Nangork had no comment
(Scratch DeReno can be reached at Scratch@CoverUps.com)
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