Company re-purposes Home
Office of Poor Dumb Sap – CoverUps.com

By Scratch DeReno
CoverUps.com Investigator

PARSIPPANY, NJ - Ralph Bobby was an out-of-work subprime loan originator when he applied for a so-called work-from-home job, supposedly as a medical transcription manager. He was excited. After all, he was going to make $100,000 a year by working just 5 hours a week. The money would roll in. He’d be in Fat City. A Monster.com ad said so.

The company that placed the ad, Solomon Edwards Group, promised to help remodel Bobby’s home office to suit his new business needs. They even put him up in a nice motel a few miles away while they did the work.

But Bobby’s excitement turned to shock and anger when he saw what Solomon Edwards did to his home. Solomon Edwards tore it down and in its place installed a single unisex handicapped accessible toilet.

“This is absolutely ridiculous,” said Bobby, at his wits end. “This used to be my home. Now it’s a rest stop for traveling salesmen. I never agreed to that.”

Not so, said the company in a written statement.

Company spokesmen claim that Bobby had in fact agreed to the work, whether he knew it or not. Had he read his contract more carefully, he would have realized that Solomon Edwards reserved the right to define Ralph Bobby’s business needs without consulting him. As luck would have it, the company had already determined that there was an urgent business need for stand-alone unisex handicapped-accessible toilets in Ralph Bobby's part of New Jersey. Bobby’s signature was an acknowledgment that he agreed to have his home torn down and replaced by a stand-alone unisex handicapped-accessible toilet.

“Ralph Bobby should be proud that he has made an important contribution to the sewage infrastructure in this region of New Jersey,” said a Solomon Edwards spokesman, in a phone interview with CoverUps.

Even the local consumer-rights ombudsman, Blem Moriarty, says there’s little Bobby can do.

“It’s all there in black and white,” said Moriarty, after examining Bobby’s contract. “I’m afraid his case has gone down the shitter.”

Bobby has little recourse now but to manage the rest-room key, which he has attached to a cinder block at our suggestion. He plans to put a vending machine outside his front door to supplement his part-time income, but it will take him awhile to save up for it.

While we were standing outside his home office toilette, we asked if we might use the facilities as well. He declined, saying his new home office handicapped accessible toilet was only for paying customers.

Well, at least he’s catching on.

Scratch DeReno can be reached at Scratch@CoverUps.com.