Casio to showcase business
cycle crystal ball – CoverUps.com
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Under condition of anonymity, Casio Product Development Manager Alan Sobolewski marvels at the images he sees in Casio’s MSG172CG-9V Business Cycle Crystal Ball. |
By Matthew “Scratch” De Reno
CoverUps InvestigatorLAS VEGAS — Casio, a global maker of time pieces, calculators and other business machines, plans to introduce a product at a Las Vegas trade show in 2008, which many are describing as “a crystal ball capable of telling the future!”
On condition of anonymity, several Casio employees have come forward to CoverUps, because they are worried that the world might not be ready to handle such a business machine as a crystal ball.
“The MSG172CG-9V Business Cycle Crystal Ball is a revolutionary device that will enable any business to accurately predict market conditions,” said one greedy-eyed executive, who, for purposes of our story, we will call “Tom Willner.” This person shares no similarity with Casio’s current Vice President of Sales, Tom Willner, although both are in very similar positions within Casio (wink, wink) and both share the same personal address in Malibu, California.
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A guy who looks like he could be the evil identical twin of Casio vice president Tom Willner, looks into Casio’s new MSG172CG-9V Business Cycle Crystal Ball. Hard to tell if he likes what he sees. |
The new Crystal Ball, which should retail for around $8 billion (USD), is a must-have for any CEO or key organizational decision maker. Willner said it makes the perfect stocking stuffer for the Ken Lay on your Christmas list.
The World Domination trade show is one of Las Vegas’ largest summer conventions and highlights the must-haves for executives in business machines and accessories. The 2008 World Domination trade show will be held at the Las Vegas Convention Center. Casio will be showcasing in the South Hall, Newfangled Contraptions, at booth # AL 6908 and for anyone willing to grease a few palms, they will allow select business leaders a minute or two in their “crystal ball tent.”
Other Casio product launches were to include an actual “Real Easy Button,” but plans for its release are delayed due to a bitter patent dispute with Office Depot.
Willner laughed the suit off.
“The Office Depot people are acting like a bunch of a**holes,” Willner said. “If their product was so great, why don’t they use it and make the infringement case go away.”
“I promise you,” he added with a smile. “If we let them look in our crystal ball they will not like what they see—that’s for sure!”
Finally, Willner congratulated CoverUps on our 2012 Pulitzer Prize.
(Scratch De Reno can be reached at Scratch@CoverUps.com)
