“Inside-the-Box” Management Theory
Makes Comeback –
CoverUps.com
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Management employees of Roadway Express. They've been told to quit thinking “outside the box” and think more “inside the box.” This new directive came on the heels of a management report that claimed most “outside the box” ideas were so “f---ing stupid that the corporation was dumber for having considering them to begin with.” |
By Scratch DeReno
CoverUps.com InvestigatorBIRMINGHAM, AL – The notion that most people are stupid has long been a bedrock principle in many successful companies. Confirmed through observations of Peter’s Principle, whereby people are promoted to their level of incompetence, it has become clear – there are way more idiots than smart people.
For awhile, it was fashionable to ask employees to think “outside-the-box” to generate new ideas -- which (in theory) could help their companies. Unfortunately, long years of experience has proven conclusively that the "outside-the-box" concept is a massive waste of resources, as most employees are dumb as bricks.
One such company has a plan to do away with all “outside the box” thinking.
“The idea is to identify the smart ones in the organization,” said Terry Block, regional business manger for Roadway Express. “You don’t want the idiots to have all day to sit around and think outside the box. What you will find is that most people are simply retarded. They should keep their dumb ideas to themselves.”
Case in point: Block said Roadway recently eliminated the employee “outside the box idea box” because of the avalanche of inane and utterly moronic ideas people were putting into it.
Block said that once management eliminated the “outside the box idea box", many employees applied themselves much better to their current jobs.
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Some of the stupid ideas employees put inside the “Out of the box” Idea Box at Roadway Express included the following:
- Outdoor meetings [rejected by management]
- Internet access in men’s room [rejected by management]
- Short shorts day [rejected by management]
- Bring your pets to work day [rejected by management]
- Pillows for desks [rejected by management]
- Peep-hole in ladies room [under consideration by management]
- Limited access to porn sites [rejected by management]
- Show and tell [rejected by management]
- How to find a better job seminar [rejected by management]
- Calendar: “Girls of accounting.” [rejected by management, pending personnel change]
- MILF exchange program [rejected by management]
- Outsource management [strongly rejected by management]
“You have to be up front with these plankton-like fungi,” said Block, who commonly talks down to rank and file workers. “They're not rocket scientists – otherwise they wouldn't be here doing the menial jobs we ask them to do. You know, if we could, we'd replace these dolts with robots or Indians or spider monkeys.”
If they want to make the work place better, they should think of “Inside his box,” Block said. “Frankly, we don’t give a hoot what they do in that box so long as it looks neat and tidy when a colleague or someone from corporate comes snooping around.”
He said even thinking inside the box is a lot to ask of some.
“It's hard for some of these imbeciles to think inside or outside the box. And I should know. When it comes to imbecility, I'm the expert.”
(Scratch DeReno can be reached Scratch@CoverUps.com)
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