US Air to Reuse Vintage
World War II Fighter Planes - CoverUps.com

No longer will the tarmac at US Air terminals be crowded with ho-humand dull 747s. Old World War II bombers will begin offering domestic and international flights beginning as early as August '07.

By Scratch DeReno
CoverUps.com Investigator

NEW YORK - In effort to reduce costs, increase passenger safety on domestic and international flights and putting some adventure and fun back into flying, US Air is taking the lead in retrofitting vintage World War II aircrafts for commercial flight purposes. So far, plans for the switch have garnered much positive feedback.

"Why hadn't we thought of this earlier," said US Air CEO Wayne Feldman. "I mean not only are these things nostalgic and neat looking, they are pretty freaking dangerous, too. Most terrorists would think twice about taking one of these bad boys on."

Feldman also said future plans include commercial-military flights in what appears to be the first ever open acknowledgment of a deeply interconnected military-industrial complex that was only feared once before. However, commercial passengers traveling overseas would have chances to drop real bombs on third world countries, stated Feldman, thus adding an element of daring adventure to the mix, he said.

Our Government loves the idea.

"I am sick of bailing out the airlines anyway," U.S. Dept. of Transportation Secretary Norman Y. Mineta said. "Why not use all these old planes that are just collecting dust or maybe just get rolled out for an occasional air show? They can still fly."

Pilots seem to find the chance irresistible to fly vintage aircraft that can blow stuff up just like in the movies.

B17 Fortress: Proposed flights include upgrades to not only better seating, but in real-life roles such as machine gunners or bombers.

"Really, some of this World War II stuff is newer than what I have been flying for some airlines," said Captain Wayne Lefarge, a former American Airlines pilot who was relived of his license in 2004 when he diverted a international flight to Bombay India simply because he was out of gin (little did he know that Bombay Sapphire Gin is made in London). "I would love to see how accurate I would be with some of those bombs. I always thought there had to be a way to make flying over international territory more interesting. My kid would think this is so cool, too."

Pictured above is US Air's newest commuter jet designed for regional transport in the Washington, D.C. - New York corridor.

Feldman said the biggest passenger plane for US Air will be a refurbished B-17 Fortress credited with destroying 55 acres of German countryside during World War II. Passengers will be given opportunities to blow stuff up that they can spot on the ground, just like gunners did during the big one, said Feldman.

But, some countries, notably France, are concerned.

"When the French learned that American's were sending B-17s to Paris," said Francoise Au Bon Pain, a vice president of Air France, "we naturally surrendered…. This put a big dent in our profit for the day and we feel US Air owes us an apology, if not compensation, for wounding our fragile self esteem."

Feldman dismissed such concerns.

"Oh, for crying out loud," said Feldman. "Maybe they should retrofit their World War II aircraft… wait, I'm sorry, they didn't have any… ha, ha, ha."

(Scratch DeReno can be reached at Scratch@CoverUps.com)