Ford To Introduce First Ever
All-Wood,
Gas-Free Car - CoverUps.com
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The all-wood, gasoline-free Ford Woody, the latest from the brilliant minds of Ford Motor Co., runs on the principals of Newtonian physics. In other words – What goes up, must go down. The Woody must be pushed to high elevations so that it can coast downhill. Passenger room is limited to three people who can squeeze into round wood holes – and one person who must push the vehicle from behind. |
By Scratch DeReno
CoverUps.com InvestigatorDETROIT, MI - Not since the days of the "Tin Lizzie," better known as Henry Ford's famous Model-T, has the automobile industry been turned upside-down by the introduction of just one car. But industry analysts believe it's about to happen again with the introduction of the world's first gas-free, all-wood car, the Ford Woody. North America production of the Ford Woody is slated to begin in early 2008.
"We are very proud to help wean the country from our addiction to fossil fuels. The new Ford Woody aims to make that possible by eliminating gas consumption completely," said Ford spokesperson James Longerfeld.
"Our car is not only wireless –it's engineless! That's pretty darn cool. It uses no oil, and no fluids!" Longerfeld said proudly.
Asked how an all-wood car would be powered, Longerfeld responded, "…it's very similar to what you might call the Flintstone propulsion method."
But conservationist groups raised concerns that it seems counterproductive to reduce environmental pollution by sawing down more trees.
"Yes it might disappoint the tree-hugger gang," Longerfeld countered. "But, you can't make everyone happy. Just think. When you get tired of the car, you can burn it in a fireplace or make furniture out of it. What other car can you do that with?"
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Future sight of a Ford Woody Plant. The company says it expects to mow down this entire forest to create Ford Woodys, which do not run on gasoline, thus eliminating fossil fuels and improving the environment. Company spokesman Longerfeld said the forest would be destroyed in an environmentally sensitive way. |
The car is being marketed toward the younger generation, he said.
CoverUps.com did random sampling to determine how consumers might react to an all-wood car that doesn't run on gasoline. Surprisingly, younger consumers in the 18-35 demographic were receptive to the idea.
"Cool man, who wouldn't want to sport a 'Woody' all day?" said 19-year old Biff Knepper of Los Angeles, CA.
Older market segments reacted more coolly, however.
"I haven't had a Woody in twenty years," said glass-eyed, grizzled octogenarian Vernon DeMore, of Santa Fe, NM, "Why should I start now?"
Curiously, our studies found women to be strongly attracted to the black Woody.
Ford Motor Co. expects Woodys to roll out of the lumber yards by early 2008. The compact-class all-wood sedan will be available in multiple stains from light oak to a handsome dark finish. A GT model will include an extra clear coat varnish.
If the woody is a success, Ford plans to offer an SUV-sized version – the Ford Big Woody – slated for production in 2010, Longerfeld said.
(E-Mail Silly Suggestions / Silly Questions to SILLY@CoverUps.com)
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