Reality-Based Book Show
Bores Viewers To Death – CoverUps.com

The climactic scene from the new literary reality show, “Book-It Dano.” Some claim it will one day be the answer to the Jeopardy question: What is the most boring TV show ever?

By "Scratch" DeReno
CoverUps.com Investigator

East Haddam, CO — Phillip T. Bingham, 45, was in generally good health -- a middle-aged Yoga instructor credited with 1,456 book reviews on Amazon.com. 

But he, like many others, was found dead shortly after watching the pilot episode of "Book-It Dano," a reality-based book TV show about the pitfalls of the publishing world.

An all too familiar reaction to the show "Book-it Dano." After viewing it, Carol “Kingsford” Cambridge set herself on fire.

“The only explanation for Bingham’s death is "Book-It Dano,"” said Larry Kennedy, Middlesex County Coroner.  “Before Mr. Bingham watched the show, everything was fine.  When it was over, he was bug eyed and dead—it was like he was frozen in time, as if his brain simply stopped from a lack of stimulus.”

Maria and Renaldo Sorvino, of Milan, Italy. They were happily married prior to watching the "Book-it Dano" pilot. By the show’s end, they'd filed for divorce.  Both offered the other the TV.

Viewer deaths aside, critics say "Book-It Dano" follows an all-too-familiar format: two teams pitted against each other in so-called dramatic races, competing to win a prize; each must score more points than the other; or simply outlast them.  Worse yet, "Book-It Dano" has the added contrivance of a lame reference to the 70's show "Hawaii Five-O." It starred Jack Lord, who famously uttered “Book’em Dano, Murder-One” at the conclusion of every solved crime.

Critics claim most "Book-it Dano" viewers find the show's focus on the editing process of a Swahili translation of Plato's Dialogs unbelievably dull. So, critics believe, many just opted to end their lives.   

NBC's "Book-It Dano" Executive Producer, Mike Lebowitz, expects to be fired shortly and is the object of several wrongful death lawsuits. He says the show got an unfair shake.

Lebowitz defended the show against human rights watchdog groups that claimed "Book-It Dano" was an extreme and immoral form of psychological torture that makes a mockery of Geneva Convention standards.  Lebowitz didn't believe his show was responsible for the rash of suicides after the pilot episode, calling them "an unfortunate coincidence".

“You can’t judge a book by its cover,” Lebowitz, said bookishly.  “If only people just gave the show a chance, I think they would have liked it… Two of our contestants suffered writer's block during the pilot episode—making it extremely hard to drum up interest! I think we worked around that pretty well.”

Lebowitz said the quick curtain call on "Book-It Dano" is just another case of anti-intellectualism run amuck in America. 

“If you study the use of hyperbole and symbolism in the show,” Lebowitz said, “…and frame that in the neo-deconstructionist context of the dystopian plot developments developed by “Team Twain”, versus the cunning use of triple-reverse-dangling-participle allegory by the “Moby Dicks”, then one can only come to the ineluctible conclusion that Coleridge brilliantly redacted 100 years ago in Cantebury Tales that …”

Somebody please pull the trigger now….

(Scratch De Reno can be reached at Scratch@CoverUps.com)