Man Seeks New World Record in World's
Longest Phone Call – CoverUps.Com

Intent on grabbing his rightful 15 minutes of fame, this Idaho man, Timothy Hardwell, seeks to set the world record for the longest personal phone call.

By Fredericka Kozlowski
CoverUps Investigative Reporter

While no Guinness World Record for the world’s longest phone call exists, Timothy Hardwell, 35, wants to put it in the books. Although he spent a couple years in his early twenties as a telemarketer, members of his own family doubt he can pull it off.

“Sorry, his experience in no way prepares him for this,” his own brother Kyle said to a local news station. “Basically he did just a crap-load of super-short conversations for awhile before getting canned; no way does he have the attention span or the conversational capacity to set this record.”

“Can too!” Timothy said.

Interestingly enough, his first challenge was to find the longest documented personal phone to shoot for, Guinness or no Guinness.

As it turns out, Kimberly Crandell, 20, holds the Michigan record for the most expensive phone call back in 2002. It was achieved, unknowingly, while she talked to her friend Maxine. Their yacking went on for more than 11 hours. Both women required emergency dermatologic treatment on their ears afterward.

Others are skeptical that this record can be set by a man. CoverUps contacted Beth Warner at PacBell’s statistics department – here’s what she revealed:

“The average telephone conversation for men ages 20 to 30 is ten minutes. For females it’s forty-five minutes. And with age the gap doesn’t get much closer. Forty to fifteen. The way I see it, this Hardwell guy doesn’t have a chance. Males just can’t perform in this department. At least not straight ones. If he wants to break the phone barrier, I wish him the best of luck. He’s gonna need it.”

CoverUps interviewed Timothy just before he dialed his mom’s number on his first attempt to set the record on November 21, 2007. A brief transcript follows:

And so the world watched and waited for the one-time interrupter of people’s dinners and romantic moments to talk his way into history, starting with his mom, who was good for a solid hour or two without breaking a sweat. After Mrs. Hardwell, friends, family, co-workers and other talkative seekers of fame would come on the line, one after the other, to help Timothy in his quest.

At hour six, Timothy reached a boredom level so toxic he wrapped the phone cord around his head as far as it would go, narrating as he went for the benefit of the person on the other end, driving said person to hand the phone over to someone else.

Around the seven hour mark, Timothy showed signs of fading. Under the official definition of a “phone call” as outlined by Guinness, Jerry could not speak less than 30% of the time. A silence of more than ten seconds meant disqualification. After ten hours and sixteen minutes, Timothy could take it no longer and hung up, after which he collapsed, falling into a coma from which he has yet to recover.

Since Kimberly Crandell’s Michigan record is not official, Jerry’s gabfest is eligible for the title. The matter is now under review by the people at Guinness. The results are expected to be announced sometime in 2008. We hope Jerry awakens from his coma before then.