God says Ark of Covenant had
Electrical malfunction – CoverUps.com
|
Fr. Lou McKenna of the Fox Mulder Church of Boston, claims the Ark of the Covenant was never meant to channel the wrath and power of God. The fact that it “zapped the heck out of a lot of people” had nothing to do with God’s will and everything to do with a “divine electrical malfunction” that has been widely misinterpreted as “the wrath of God.” |
By Scratch DeReno
CoverUps.com InvestigatorTHE PEARLY GATES – Our pipeline to all things Heavenly, Fr. Lou McKenna of the Fox Mulder Church of Boston, revealed to us recently that he is in talks with Snopes.com to clear up a widespread misunderstanding about the Ark of the Covenant – the legendary vessel of the Ten Commandments.
“We’re all familiar with the Ark – we typically learned about it in the Raiders of the Lost Ark,” said McKenna, once again revealing himself to be the lovable rube he’s always been. “Yes, that thing could shoot out lightning bolts and deep-fry Nazis like nobody’s business. Heck, the thing was quite a powerful weapon. But it was all accidental – and you can quote The Almighty on that. The Ark had a bad ‘heavenly transformer’ that made all that lightning shoot out and zap everyone near it …”
The Ark of the Covenant is described in the Bible as a sacred container, wherein rested the Tablets of stone containing the Ten Commandments, as well as other precious Israelite artifacts. According to Biblical accounts, the Ark was built at the command of God, in accordance with Moses' prophetic vision on Mount Sinai.
Because God was slow to recognize the public’s contemporary misperception of the Ark, a long-festering and unjustified ‘fear factor’ has lately run amuck, according to McKenna.
“Instead of announcing a recall, God decided to simply make the troublesome vessel disappear in the Temple of Solomon, when nobody was looking,” McKenna said.
And the rest, as they say, is, blessedly, history!
