God Defends His New BMW – CoverUps.com
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We have learned that “JC” is not a big fan of God’s recent BMW purchase. He believes that the ultimate driving machine makes it more difficult to send the right message about a rich man getting into heaven, let alone anything to do with the fact that the generous horsepower of the 3 Series makes it a gas hog. JC believes that with the “crazy price of gas nowadays” and all the sinning going on down on Earth, the Big Guy's Beemer sends the wrong message. |
By "Scratch" De Reno
CoverUps.com InvestigatorTHE PEARLY GATES, HEAVEN – We just recently caught up yet again with Fr. Lou McKenna, of the Fox Mulder Church of Boston, who recently shared with us yet another startling update on the inner workings of Heaven, something for which he is rapidly becoming famous.
As you may recall, he reported recently that God now drives a BMW, having traded in his 3,000 year-old chariot. Now McKenna is offering more insight into the Almighty’s transportation flap, which arose when other heavenly figures, such as St. Peter, raised a stink about God’s new ride.
“It turns out Jesus was not big on God getting a BMW either,” McKenna said. “Apparently, JC thinks it sends the wrong signal, though God claims it is really all about performance driving.”
Still, McKenna said JC felt that God driving a BMW undermined his own holy efforts down here on Earth about telling people that for a rich man to get into Heaven, it would be like a “camel going through the eye of a needle” and that whole shebang. Now, how is He going to explain that analogy when the “needle” of God is somewhere at 145 mph?
McKenna offers his own theories on why JC is confounded by the Heavenly Father’s choice of car. McKenna believes that JC is miffed that while Pop’s gone out and loaded up on a BMW, JC is still doing the old “sandal strap express” as he called it recently.
We asked McKenna if it was ordained by the Big Man that JC would have to walk with sandals while down on Earth or if some other, more modern mode of transportation would be better suited to spreading the word. Essentially, why wouldn’t God allow JC to have a car, too?
God has nothing against his Son “rolling in a better bucket,” only about his ability to perform miracles, said McKenna. For two thousand years, the sandal has served his needs just fine.”
He said God was contemplating a minivan for JC, but that raised questions, such as where will all the Apostles sit in a Passenger 7? It'd be better from if they all walked, with no one of them being "more equal" than any other.
“Ultimately, a car is really not the best option for JC. How will he walk on water?” McKenna said, climbing into his new Hummer H1. “I mean, unless he has something like this – miracles are hard to do.”
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