God Sick Of Ikea Furniture – CoverUps.com
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An interior decorator's rendering of a typical living room in the swanky new Cloud Nine Condos. Apparently, God is sick and tired of trying to relax, kick back and watch some Sunday action on the sharp contouring of this furniture. He longs for something a little more sumptuous and "majesterial." |
By Scratch DeReno
CoverUps.com Investigator
PEARLY GATES - Fr. Lou McKenna of The Fox Mulder Church of Boston recently relayed another heavenly communique from the Lord Almighty, God Our Father. Now, it would seem, God has a hang-up with all the Ikea furniture Heaven has purchased over the past ten years.
"At first, God was in love with all the little stylish knickknacks and colors and textures. But the form and function of the furniture was simply lacking," McKenna told us on behalf of the Lord.
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"The shag rug isn't too bad", God reportedly said, "but Jesus, does everything have to be so black and white?" |
"The problem is the materials," McKenna said. "Ikea stuff doesn't travel well. And He was sick and tired of putting all that crap together. You'd think St. Paul, Peter, and the rest of the gang would know what a Phillips screw driver looked like... but alas no."
McKenna said Jesus, (being an ex-carpenter, after all) helped God out and put together most of the Ikea furniture himself.
"He was trying to help God out," McKenna said. "After all, he's Jesus. That's what He does."
Perhaps the most insightful thing McKenna shared with us this time was that the answer to the popular bumper sticker's question of "What Would Jesus do?" It's simple: He would make an effort to put the furniture together.
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