God Refinances Earth – CoverUps.com
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We recently learned via the heavenly divination of Fr. Lou McKenna, of the Fox Mulder Church of Boston, that God has refinanced Earth, thus saving us from doomsday. It turns out God is planning on using some of the “cash out” to make capital improvements to Earth’s infrastructure, such as getting rid of some of those suicide-bomber bastards, maybe ease up on global warming and other stuff like better cellular phone service for developing nations and West Virginia. He might even put in some more fossil fuels for us to mine. |
By "Scratch" De Reno
CoverUps.com InvestigatorTHE PEARLY GATES, HEAVEN - Could it be that this time God is coming through for humanity? Just when all hope seems lost, what with Al Gore traversing the planet in his private jet while calling for the average guy to wear a sweater in the house in the winter to keep the heating bill low? Yes, it's true, says Fr. Lou McKenna of the Fox Mulder Church of Boston.
“Hey, I know this will come as a surprise to many,” McKenna said, adding a dollop of Irish to his coffee. “But, God was about finished with the payments on Earth and then said you know what – what the heck, the rates are good – why not fix it up! So he took out the cash out refi loan product – got a heck of rate, since He's God and all – and is going to dump some money back into the planet and into us.”
McKenna said, JC, his Heavenly Son, was relieved, “It’s about time. I mean I would never be one to say Earth was overvalued, but it definitely needed some repairs and not just the spiritual type too… I'm glad to see Dad's fixing up the place.”
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"I'm glad to see Dad's fixing up the place," said Jesus Christ of God's efforts to spruce up the planet. |
McKenna said God has extremely good credit and since he also created everything he was able to get himself approved. His alternative options to refinance the Earth were shady at best, admits McKenna.
“Beelzebub Century Mortgage kept calling Heaven, looking to push on him an incredible deal on a refi with very few closing costs,” McKenna said. “Turns out it was an ARM with a whopping balloon payment. Man, when the loan was due you better have your soul ready to give.”
We asked McKenna if he could share with us the same interest rate God received.
“As the broker, I can’t disclose all the fees!”
(Scratch DeReno can be reached at Scratch@CoverUps.com)
