Man Charged For Theories
He Never Subscribed To – CoverUps.com
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Rick Benham of Lima, Ohio recently died and went to Heaven. However, he was surprised when he was presented with a "bill" upon entering the pearly gates. The bill was from St. Peter and he was being billed for theories he claims he never subscribed to. |
By Scratch DeReno
CoverUps.com Investigator
THE PEARLY GATES - Once again, we have first hand news of the hereafter (or the after here) divined by no less then the esteemed Fr. Lou McKenna of The Fox Mulder Church of Boston. Our pipeline to all things heavenly told us this time that the recently departed Rick Benham of Lima, OH, (a titles operations supervisor in the Real Estate business), who ostensibly died of boredom, was grossly over billed for theories he never subscribed to."When you hear people say that they don't subscribe to a certain theory, for instance 'The best offense is a good defense,' and such," Fr. McKenna said, "That is true. You literally have to pay for the subscriptions to the theories you plan to follow in life."
According to McKenna, along those lines, Heaven, has recently started charging for services that were previously free for mortals. Now, when someone wants to jump back down to Earth, they are asking souls to shoulder more and more of the cost of being human.
He said that Benham was charged with several theories he never recalled implementing or adhering to when he was alive such as, "Small opportunities are often the beginning of great enterprises."
"I never heard that phrase in my life when I was alive," protested Benham. "Now I am dead and they have me charged $500 for subscribing to that theory."
Benham also claims they nailed him good on, "Yesterday I dared to struggle. Today I dare to win," a phrase attributed to Bernadette Devlin, a political activist from Northern Ireland.
"I reviewed title work for a living," Benham said, "Why in the Lord's right mind would he think I would have said something so inspiring as that? How could I subscribe to something that is frankly simply beyond any inkling or relevance of my largely mundane life, which I spent in the confines of my recliner? It doesn't add up."
Fr. McKenna said that St. Peter promises to look into the billing issue of the theories Benham claims he never subscribed to. McKenna did say that St. Peter was somewhat skeptical of Benham's claims."Yeah, I also have it here that Benham subscribed to the theory, 'There's a sucker born every minute,'" St. Peter remarked to Fr. McKenna. "Hmm... I guess he never heard of that one either... Well, let me tell you something... It might be true down there, but not up here...."
(Scratch DeReno can be reached at Scratch@CoverUps.com)
