Noah Celebrates Final
Payment On Ark – CoverUps.com

Noah has made the final payment on Noah’s Ark we have learned. He bought the Ark from God at a “pretty high” interest rate way back then in the days Before Christ. However, he had no choice. He didn’t have a credit history because credit was not really invented for some time after the flood. So, he had to take the 7.9 APR. He had no other choice.

By Scratch DeReno
CoverUps.com Investigator

BIBLICAL PINES - It seems there's no limit to the information we learn about the inner workings of Heaven through our spiritual pipeline, Fr. Lou McKenna of The Fox Mulder Church of Boston. Case in point: we've learned God just purchased a BMW.

Now, however, we are learning that not only is God’s new car purchase the talk of the Heaven, but so too, is that Noah finally made his last payment on the Ark, thus freeing up money needed for a new ride of his own.

“You see, God doesn’t give any freebies,” said McKenna. “Even though he could just say ‘zizz zazz’ and whoa – give Noah a brand spanking new 2008 Ark, he is not like that. He wants to Noah to pay for his stuff just like the next guy has to. Even God saved a while for the Beemer.”

Fr. McKenna told us a few other things that many biblical scholars would be sure to find interesting about Noah's famed Ark. “The Ark was state-of-the-art at the time,” McKenna said. “But, Noah rushed into it. God really had Noah by the staff with that interest rate and everything. After all, it wasn’t like Noah had a lot of other financing options.”

McKenna said Noah was approached by Beelzebub Financial Services. “Noah was smart enough to know that the deal was too good to be true,” McKenna said. “They were offering an almost interest free loan. They were even throwing in unlimited apples. The catch was the down payment: your soul! Noah smartly moved on.”

That didn’t mean things were easy sailing for Noah at that point.

McKenna said God became a little miffed when Noah requested a 'Miracle Fax Chex' on the sea vessel.

“Well, I can see Noah’s point,” McKenna said. “I mean, after all, if he has to finance the Ark , he best make sure it wasn’t used in Gilgamesh (Babylonian flood tale) or something like that. I mean the Ark wasn’t cheap. They don't grow on trees, plus, it wasn’t like it came built. Did you ever see the instructions to build one? They make no sense.”

On the other hand, McKenna said, God had a point, too.

“Well of course the 'Miracle Fax Chex' report was going to say it was a ‘flood vehicle.’ Wasn’t that the whole frigging point?”

No longer burdened with the payment on the Ark, Noah plans to purchase a recreational watercraft, McKenna said, a Yamaha FX Waverunner.