Man Claims God Surprised
Him During Prayer – CoverUps.com

Bart Harwell, 45, of San Diego, recently had a prayer answer-ed by God, literally during the middle of it. Not because of his eloquence, but rather because God needed to get to the next prayer and wanted him to “wrap it up.” Hartwell has since found meaning in a world all too often that leaves many cold and callous.

By Scratch De Reno
CoverUps.com Investigator

THE PEARLY GATES, HEAVEN – God was listening to Bart Hartwell’s prayers the other day, (we've learned that he does this as part of a 'random sampling' of the billions of prayers The Big Cheese receives) and after listening to Bart go on and on about all sorts of trivial things, such as his car payment, dog, shots for the kids, a win for his beloved San Diego Chargers, His Holiness finally had enough when Bart delved into wanting to find meaning in his job as an insurance adjuster.

“For goodness sake,” God reportedly said, interrupting him. “Can you get to the point? We don’t have an eternity, well, okay – I suppose I do. But, please, before the Big Bang reverses itself – just GET TO THE POINT!”

The man promptly told God he was thankful for his role in the world even though for years he had not seen any reason or significance to his life as an insurance claims adjuster. He said that in the grand scheme of things, adjusting insurance claims just seemed rather low on the list of weighty cosmic purpose.

God didn’t think so, Bart said. He said God reminded him, “Somebody’s got to do it.”

“God said amen to that and then sent me off for a good night of sleep,” Hartwell said. “I was really amazed God was on the other end listening to my prayers. For all those years I would pray at night, I was never met with anything but silence.”

We must disclose that this divine story was brought to us by Fr. Lou McKenna of the Fox Moulder Church of Boston, MA, who said it came to him the same way most of his heavenly séances do: Federal Express.

“It was on the “Weekly CD,” St. Pete had burned for me,” McKenna said. “I have no reason to doubt the authenticity of it. It is true. God talked to this guy. It was in the talking points St. Peter put there on the disk.”

We continued to talk to Hartwell about what happened. Mostly because we were interested and partly because we don’t entirely trust Fr. Lou McKenna (but not for any specific reason).

Hartwell said he went about his prayers like he always has. He began with the all the sins he committed years ago and worked his way up to the present, including all the times he had impure thoughts, which was really the bulk of his transgressions. Finally, he realized in a moment, that there was indeed something amazing and wonderful about his life despite the fact that by most accounts it was indistinguishable from so many others:

“After all, no child ever says ‘when I grow up I want to be an insurance adjuster?’” He said. “Still, I wanted a reason to have faith. I mean why there is even such a thing as an insurance adjuster to begin with is a mystery. So far as we know, there aren’t any such service providers anywhere else in the rest of the galaxy. Do they even have auto-home-renters policies anywhere else in the cosmos?”

It was that point, God simply jumped right into his prayer. He said God told him, “Do you think I am making all this up as I go along? Of course it is wonderful and there is a purpose. Somebody’s got to do it. Now, look at the time. I have more prayers to answer. So, ah, is that it?”

Hartwell has his own theory on why God had to move things along a little bit.

Hartwell smiled. “I guess the point is you never know when the big guy is listening. If he lets you know he has his ear turned your way, get to the point; especially, if you are praying during peak prayer time.”

“I know God has an eternity,” Hartwell added, “but I bet he doesn’t have a lot of anytime minutes. I mean that would explain why he had to move on so quickly.”

We have our own theory, too, but we didn’t share it with Hartwell. Isn't it possible that God simply didn’t want to talk to an insurance adjuster longer than he had to?