God says technical writers the most boring
creatures on Earth – CoverUps.com
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Emily Roberts, a technical writer with Entegee Engineering Tech in Ft. Monmouth, NJ scribbles some "technical mumbo jumbo" on a chalk board. Roberts has an MA in technical writing from Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh, where she published a paper called New Frontiers of The Washing Machine Spin Cycle. The paper has been implicated in a spate of suicides among those who have read or even glanced at it. Roberts doesn't date much either. Maybe the picture says all we need to say about that. |
By Scratch DeReno
CoverUps.com InvestigatorBOSTON. – Fr. Lou McKenna of the Fox Mulder Church of Boston recently announced another divine revelation that God mentioned in passing the other day to St. Peter.
“Hands down, technical writers are the most boringeth creatures on the face of the Earth…” God pronounced this, according to McKenna, while trying to make heads or tales out of the technical instructions to make a Platypus.
But some earthbound technical writers take issue with McKenna, and defend their craft.
“Hey, what the heck,” said Toby Grabowksi, a technical writer with NTI Group in Sherman Oaks, California. “I happen to love documenting how processes work. I think a lot of people would appreciate technical writing more if suddenly there were no manuals in those Ikea boxes of furniture everyone’s so fond of… I guess they don’t appreciate good process documentation Up There,” Grabowski said, glancing up at the sky. “But down here it comes in handy…”
Grabowski is miffed that God himself has decreed technical writing to be such a dud of an occupation.
“Doesn’t He have more time on his hands than anyone would know what to do with it?” he asked heatedly. “He’s got to have seen a lot more boring crap in the infinite span of existence than even the worst instructions for an Ikea entertainment center.”
But Fr. McKenna said it wasn’t just God who felt that way. In fact, he said, since JC was a carpenter by trade, “The Son of Man appreciated a good diagram, and saw far too few of them when he walked the earth in his mortal coil.”
Currently serving an eternity in hell for his sins against readers, technical writer Pontius Johnson, a Roman soldier, has the dubious honor of being the first credited technical writer. His first project: assembly instructions for a Crucifix.
Maybe the bum rap technical writers get can be traced back to the rotten, unreadable, illegible, incomplete scribblings of Pontius Johnson, McKenna mused. And maybe this is all a massive case of guilt by association, and the public at large should give technical writers the benefit of the doubt.
Still, though, man they are boring people. There’s no getting around it.
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