New Engineered Cells Kill
Cancer Cells With Kindness – CoverUps.com

Using nanotechnology and some other high tech gadgetry, researchers at the National Cancer Institute along with a host of other leading medical centers are engineering good cells to fight bad cancer cells in a nice way that does not involve hitting. These new cancer fighting cells are unique in that they don’t just kill the bad cells; they convert them back to good cells, without resorting to violence. They kill them with kindness!

By Scratch De Reno
CoverUps.com Investigator

BETHESDA, MD – Researchers at the National Cancer Institute plan to publish an article in the New England Journal of Medical Stuff (NEJMS) about a breakthrough in the engineering of newfangled cells designed to bludgeon cancer. They don’t kill the cells per se; they actually convert them over using revolutionary new techniques that some critics are calling biological bullshit.

Dr. Greg Hart recently designed a mind-numbingly boring PowerPoint presentation showing how these new super cells appear proudly in a multitude of various primary colors.

“I am really excited about the fact that I was able to utilize color slides…”

Okay, Dr. Hart, back to the point, please!

“Oh, okay… don’t get out much… Anyway, our new approach is to make peace with the enemies of the body. We want to help convert them over to our side. Even cancer cells have to realize that ultimately if the human body dies, they die, too….”

Dr. Greg Hart developed the new cancer fighting cells that use acts of biological kindness to convince cancer cells that fighting the immune system is not in the best interest to anyone. As he doesn't get out much, some credit Dr. Hart's outlandish theory to the can of paint thinner he keeps under his desk.

Critics, however, are calling his medicine nothing short of quackery. One high level researcher even said, “Cure cancer by converting the bad cells to good cells…? My ass!”

We asked around and also got similar feedback from the medical community.

“Fighting cancer cells with peacefully engineered cells sounds about as stupid as fighting terrorists the same way,” said some guy drinking at a bar about a mile from the National Cancer Institute.

“The problem is that cancer cells don’t really care if they live or die," Bob Walters said, throwing down another shot of Jack. “Once we understand this, we will be able to combat both cancer and fanaticism in the same manner.”

Nice point, Bob. Where did you get your PhD?

“Right here, my friend, right f---n here!”

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