Rubber Stamp Tumor Found on
Bureaucrat’s Brain – CoverUps.com

Scientists and medical researchers at the John Hopkins University have found a most unusual tumor growing on a man’s brain: a rubber stamp. The man, a lifelong bureaucrat for the Maryland Department of Motor Vehicles may have developed the stamp due to years of “rubber stamping” anything that was put in front of him such as driver’s license forms and vehicle registration renewals.

By Scratch DeReno
CoverUps.com Investigator

BALTIMORE, MD - Researchers were astonished to find the source of Harold Philpot’s death was a rubber stamp, which had metastasized in his brain. Doctors speculate it was his brain's way of rewiring itself after thirty years of rubber stamping papers, forms and other documents of bureaucratic relevance to a select few at the Maryland DMV.

“This is a most unusual and extreme case that shows if you do something that is so mindless for so many years...” said forensics pathologist, Dr. Matt Stumped, of Johns Hopkins University, “...your brain can begin to reprogram itself in likeness of the mind-numbing occupation you have endured for all that time. I could go into all the genetic detail about how something like this could have happened, but I will simply say – hey, this is one guy that was due for a vacation.”

Unfortunately, that vacation didn't come in time.

Harold Philpot had what was described as an “ink aneurysm,” brought on by the size of his stamp tumor. For the past few months when the stamp really grew people wondered about the huge thing that appeared to be growing on the side of his head. Philpot deftly attempted to cover it with a “comb-over” of astoundingly bold proportions.

“We’re not shocked to learn of his passing,” said one office coworker, temporary admin assistant, Bev Jackson. “I think we were more shocked that he worked here at all.”

Harold Philpot is survived by his rubber stamp. His family plans to honor his memory by rubber-stamping the approval of a grave maker in the likeness of an Office Depot “Easy Button.” They will place an Office Depot easy button on his casket in the hope that things will be much easier for him in the afterlife then they were for him in the here and now.

“We think he would have approved, er, I mean ‘rubber stamped’ such a tribute,” said a tearful Meg Philpot, a fifth cousin.

Another relative, who believes he might be related to Harold Philpot, added, “On second thought, maybe he would be better served with an ‘interesting' button. Do they make those?”

The Maryland Department of Motor Vehicles has reported no measurable effect on the volume of vehicle registration renewals due to the incident.