Man fired for Viagra side Effects – CoverUps.com

Todd Peters was recently fired for suffering the side effects of taking Viagra. Out on a late evening greeting one of his many female callers, he popped a couple Viagra pills to help increase his “staying power.” Turns out his staying power proved to be more than he bargained for and stayed longer than he thought. At break of day, he was still stuck in Camp Morning Wood.

By Matthew “Scratch” De Reno
CoverUps Investigator

Charlotte, N.C. — Todd Peters, a 34-year old settlement agent with Uni-Link Settlement Services, left a message early Thursday morning on his boss’s voice mail stating he would not be in that day because of a 12-hour erection — a well-known side effect of Viagra and other girth enhancing prescription drugs, CoverUps has learned.

Shortly afterwards, Peters was fired for sexual harassment. He claims not to know why, since a perpetual hard-on is no laughing matter (actually it is a laughing matter – in fact it’s damn funny – but we take our responsibilities as tabloid journalists seriously and we solemnly promise herewith to cease making any more quips at poor Mr. Peters’ expense. Cross our heart, swear to God, Hope to Die ... so – what do you get when you cross a penis and a potato? A DICTATOR!).

So, where were we? Oh yes – we were about to get to the part where Mr. Peters gives his rationalization visa vi why he was so nakedly honest with his boss when he left his voice mail.

“What am I supposed to do? Lie and say I can’t come in today because I’m sick?” Peters asked. “No, I told the truth – and I got fired.”

At this point in the story, journalistic integrity compels us to fill the reader in on a crucial detail that has so far gone unmentioned:

Todd Peters’ boss is a woman.

(Wanna hear something funny? At the bottom of the Wikipedia page on DICK JOKES is this sentence:

This comedy or humor related article is a stub. You can help Wikipedia by expanding it. ...

Okay, that's the last DICK JOKE you’re going to read in this article. Seriously. PENISES are VERBOTTEN! No more shlongs from here on out. Scout’s honor.)

Uni-Link Director Casey Hardwicke said this is just one of many off-color double-entendres Peters has been getting away with for all too long. It’s inevitable that it would come to this ... She cited a time when a very important client called asking for the vice president’s private extension. She claims he said: “I’m sorry miss – he only gives his extension to his wife.”

All in all, Peters feels he got shafted, and is unsure what his options are at this point. And so he wanders the streets holding a stack of books in front of his engorged ... well, you know.

“I might sue the Viagra people,” he said at one point, and sighed. “After all, how am I going to find a job walking around with a telephone pole in my pants?”

5 reasons not to be a penis...

1.  You're bald your whole life.

2.  You have a hole in your head.

3.  Your neighbors are nuts.

4.  The guy behind you is an a** hole and...

5.  Every time you get excited, you throw up.

Peters said he wasn’t sure what he’d do with his perpetual erection. “Is the circus in town? Maybe they need another tent pole,” he joked.

Finally, desperately, he asked us for help.

CoverUps could not think of a way to help him. All we could do is tell him that life can be hard sometimes.

“You can say that again,” he sighed.