Logistics Manager Claims To Have Been
Recruited To Become Zarqawi For
U.S. Government – CoverUps.com

World on fire: Global terrorists cringe in fear at the thought of everyday Americans disguising themselves as terrorists to infiltrate their secretive organizations.

By Scratch DeReno
CoverUps.com Investigator

CLEVELAND - In a strange case of life imitating art, CoverUps.com has gleaned yet another rare insight into the extreme efforts to which the U.S. Military was prepared to put forth in capturing Iraqi terrorist mastermind Abu Musab Al Zarqawi.

Brian Hinterleiter, a logistics manager for a North American Fortune 500 Company, claims to have been recruited by the U.S. Military Special Forces to undergo a "Face-off" style operation: Hinterleiter was prepared to assume the identity of mastermind terrorist Abu Musab Zarqawi by having Zarqawi's face surgically placed over his, Coverups has learned.

He said the plan called for him to pose as Zarqawi and infiltrate Al Qaeda in Iraq thereby providing a pipeline of valuable information to the U.S. Military. He was to be paid a handsome some of money for his efforts, he said. However, Zarqawi was killed when an F-16 fighter plane put a freedom skylight in his roadside hideaway earlier in June, thus putting an end to Hinterleiter's heroic top secret mission.

Hinterleiter, who had trained for months, feels the U.S. Government, should at least pay him something for his troubles. After all, he used up all his accrued vacation time as well as two floating holidays to get battle ready and mentally prepared for his mission, he said.

"Common man," Hinterleiter said. "I was ready to have his face put on mine and travel to Iraq and draw all sorts of bad guys to me. I think Uncle Sam should cough up a little something for the effort. At least give me a break on my tax return or something."

Faceoff, a 1997 film directed by John Woo, staring John Travolta and Nicholas Cage, involves a revolutionary medical technique that allows an undercover agent to take the physical manifestation of a criminal and infiltrate an illicit organization. It appears this was the inspiration for the U.S. Military's plan.

Hinterleiter, who suggested the idea to the U.S. Military, said they thought this was a pretty good way to go after terrorists and wish they would have seen the movie much earlier. Hinterleiter claims that due to his exceptional athletic ability as a high school football player and his uncanny likeness to the Middle Eastern Zarqawi, he was a natural choice to undertake the dangerous mission.

Brian Hinterleiter worked hard to get into shape for his mission. Oftentimes he tossed around weights in the wee hours of the night with Major League baseball players like Barry Bonds and the late Thurmon Munson.

But, the Government denied to CoverUps that Hinterleiter had been recruited to have his face removed and replaced with Zarqawi's. And, they feel they owe him nothing.

The eyes of a man committed to the defense of his country: Hinterleiter called this his "Chuck Norris glare." He said the technique allowed him to read a whole book without opening a page.

"Although, we understand Mr. Hinterleiter was an impressive football player in high school…," said Army Maj. Gen. Benjamin C. Dagger, commander of Combined Joint Task Force 87, "….His forty speed (time to run 40-yards) alone makes him a dangerous weapon. But really, why would we have this guy go to Iraq? From what I gather, I hear the man throws killer beer parties, tailgates and shin-digs, not to mention host world famous happy hours, but never has he been involved in Special Forces or anything remotely close to anti-terrorism."

Hinterleiter watched Steven Segal TV marathons for weeks on end, to train for his deadly mission of infiltrating Al Qaeda. He even memorized line-by-line entire seasons of Walker, Texas Ranger.

Hinterleiter said the Government is just trying to save face (no pun intended) and does not want to pay him.

Hinterleiter showed us a fake beard he was prepared to wear over his surgically replaced face as well as a robe he was to don in his role as Zarqawi.

We must admit, Hinterleiter was quite convincing as Zarqawi even without the transplanted face.

Outfitted with state-of-art Groucho Marx glasses, the kind with a big rubber nose in the middle, Hinterleiter would fool all but the most discerning terrorist.

But, the Government dismissed it all.

"From what we know of him, Hinterleiter has a habit of wearing foolish costumes," said Army Col. Tom Shields, commander of 172nd Stryker Brigade Combat Team. "He once worked as a guest bartender wearing a huge Afro wig with big sunglasses like he was some kind of 70s dance king pin. We think he should stick to that thing."

Master of a thousand disguises: Brian Hinterleiter shown in his early days as a celebrity guest bartender, circa 1997. Hinterleiter claims if he needed, he could sneak across the Iraqi border dressed as that Scary Movie phantom armed with that long drawn-out white mask and carving knife. "That would scare the bejesus out of those terrorist, huh?" he said, "I would call up Osama Bin Laden when he is alone in his cave and ask him 'Do you like scary movies?'"

The Government was adamant that there were no plans to send Hinterleiter over to Iraq as Zarqawi.

"Although we welcome the fact that we have Americans like Hinterleiter that are willing to put their livelihoods on the line," said Army Col. Shields, "…there are no plans to send him (Hinterleiter), or any other gung-ho citizens for that matter, to Iraq. We have enough of those in Washington as it is."

Hinterleiter's duffle bag remains packed.

(E-Mail Silly Suggestions / Silly Questions to SILLY@CoverUps.com)