Miss Teen South Carolina Joins United Nations;
Proud To Be U.S. American – CoverUps.com

By "Scratch" De Reno
CoverUps.com Investigator

SOUTH CAROLINA, USA - Asked why one-fifth of Americans couldn't locate the United States on a map, Lauren Catlin Upton paused before delivering what will surely be one of the all-time classics in pageantry speak:

"I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because some people out there in our nation don't have maps. And, I believe that our education, like such as in South Africa and the Iraq, everywhere like such as. . . And, I believe they should our education over here, in the U.S. should help the U.S. or should help South Africa or should help the Iraq and Asian countries, so we will be able to build our future for us."

Surprisingly, CoverUps.com has learned that this answer has landed Miss Teen South Carolina a job as the next U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations, courtesy of President Bush.

President Bush, who's received much unwelcome attention for his own verbal gaffes and tongue-twisters, empathized with Catlin Upton. "We misunderestimated people have to stick together," said Bush, announcing Upton's appointment to the U.N.

Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon of South Korea was ecstatic to have some new fresh blood in the organization – a hot chick with ideas to boot.

“Really, there are so many countries – and she was smart enough to at least name three of them in her speech,” said the Secretary-General. “In my opinion, no matter what the subject is about, when you are talking about world politics, you can never go wrong with mentioning Iraq and throwing South Africa in there for good measure. Her answers really showed just about all the knowledge that one needs to get things log jammed here at the U.N.,” Ki-moon laughed.

We asked him what he thought of her referring to “Americans” as “U.S. Americans.” Doesn't that superb redundancy bely a naïve and woefully untaught mind?

“Quite the opposite,” smiled Ki-moon. “Saying U.S. Americans as opposed to illegal Americans shows a lot of intelligence. I think that is a brilliant designation by the U.S. American youth from North America.”

Oh, well. At least Catlin knows something about the U.S. and North America. That puts her ahead of most of her fellow delegates in the General Assembly.

In the mean time, inspired by Catlin's memorable beauty pagent performance, Rand-McNally has produced a new map of the world, which it is distributing free of charge to students in U.S. America.