Area Girl Blow-Dries Herself
to Death – CoverUps.com

Shirley Patterson, 23, of Lubbock, Texas, blow-dries herself.  She was later found dead from dehydration and a fatal case of split ends.

By Scratch DeReno
CoverUps.com Investigator

LUBBOCK, Texas – In what is beginning to sweep the country, many women are increasingly being found dead under suspicious circumstances, and the culprit appears to be the common hair dryer. 

Lubbock County Sheriff John Gutierrez has found three females “fluff-dried” in the past month alone.

“We thought these were murder victims or bizarre suicides, but it took us a long time to connect the dots and realize it was this obsessive-compulsive thing with the hair dryer.  We are not sure what it is about them that made them turn their hair dryers into a weapon, but we are working on it.”

Gutierrez said that some hair dryers are simply too dangerous and too powerful for the everyday user.  

“One body was 40-yards away from her house,” he said.  “She done got blown right out through the wall into her back yard.  She had a Carrera Ceramic Ionic hair dryer and the thing was on high…  It produced so much power it even triggered a Doppler Radar signature of an F2 tornado.  It was the hair dryer.”

Gutierrez plans to launch a program to get hair dryers off the streets. He wants an amnesty day where owners of these powerful hair dryers can simply turn them in for a comb, no questions asked.

However, he said, when he ran it by the city council, “They were not blown away by the idea.”