Frankenstein and Bride-of-Frankenstein's
Bitter Divorce Battle Escalates - CoverUps.com

Frankenstein was reportedly heart-broken over his bitter-divorce with Bride-of-Frankenstein and wanted it to end soon.  He doesn't really care that she got to keep the brains and bodoy part collection, but he is particularly miffed she took all his Tivo'd episodes of Gray's Anatomy, his favorite show.

By Matthew "Scratch" De Reno
CoverUps.com Investigator 

CASTLE FRANKENSTEIN, Bavaria - Frankenstein embroiled in a bitter three-year divorce from Bride-of-Frankenstein, appeared to be showing signs of regret over how things have played out lately.  In fact, many felt reconciliation could be in order.  But that all changed for the worse recently when we explained to Bride-of-Frankenstein about Frankenstein's softening dead heart.    

"I would like Bride-of-Frankenstein to know that in some sense I still feel at the bottom of my cold heart she is still a hellish bitch (a literal compliment in the tongue of fiends)," Frankenstein said.  "I understand I was emotionally aloof for all those years and never could provide her with the violence and dread she hated me for when we first met." 

Frankenstein said if had to do it all over again, he would have tried harder to torture her.  He said they were making progress counseling until he tore the counselor's limb off and beat him over the head with it.  Then, there was the three-month blood bender he went on with Dracula.  He was out of control.   

"She had a right to be pissed," said Frankenstein, sorrowfully.  "I ignored here completely and just ran around with Dracula, terrorizing and killing the villagers and forgetting about her," Frankenstein said.  "I always thought she would be in the castle baking me up a villager pie when I got back.  I really miss that.  Those were the good cursed times." 

Frankenstein said some of their fondest memories include when a villager threw a pitchfork at them and it went right throw him into her.  He yanked it out of her, chased down the villager and "piked" him up on his own fork.  They microwaved him later.  He also cites the time they disemboweled a guy who was shooting flaming arrows at his castle.   

"What I would do if I could do it all over again," he said, wistfully.   

Frankenstein said he doesn't' begrudge her affair with the Werewolf, which was cited as grounds for the divorce.   

"Werewolf was giving her the attention I could never do," he told CoverUps.  I am still happy not about it, but I think I understand where she was coming from.  I kind of drove her into Werewolf's hairy arms.  Plus, I should not come home with blood on my breath.  My blood drinking was getting out of control." 

We talked to Bride-of-Frankenstein about Frankenstein's change of heart.  It seemed to matter little.   

"Oh, he just can't accept the fact that he is going to loose his castle," she said.  "That's why he wants me back....  I gave him every chance in the world to hate me and finally I had to do what was bad for me.  I was no more important to him that a piece of torture equipment to him.  Plus, I was the one that Tivo'd Gray's Anatomy for him.  So those are my shows." 

She also said the she knows Frankenstein went out and bought a box of "silver bullets." 

"Why the heaven would he buy silver bullets?" She said.  "Does he think I am that stupid?  He wants to put a cap in Werewolf, that's why.... I won't let him do it...  Over my live body, I won't let it happen!"   

Frankenstein was not happy when he learned of her response and flew into a rage.   

"I want my f---ing Grey's Anatomy shows I Tivo'd or there is going to be heaven to pay!  She can keep the freaking castle!  There will not be much left of it anyway when I let the villagers in to ransack it anyway...   I don't care if she thinks it is for spite too." 

Frankenstein added that if his Gray's Anatomy shows don't turn up, Werewolf will be turned into a fur coat.  She dismissed his scare tactics as just another classless act in a long litany of intolerable behavior.  

"He is not 'half' the creature-of-the-damned Werewolf is," she grinned.  "And I mean that literally." 

(Scratch DeReno can be reached at Scratch@CoverUps.com)