Gingerbread Homes Feel
Real Estate Pinch - CoverUps.com

Pictured above is a three-bedroom gingerbread house, which has depreciated dramatically over the course of the past year as housing prices fell across the U.S. compared to year-ago prices. The Gingerbread [ep[;e. mptpropis real estate speculators, are worried that the bottom will fall out of the market and they'll be left with nothing but cookie crumbs.

By Scratch DeReno
CoverUps.com Investigator

THE NORTH POLE AND THE U.S. - The recent downward spiral of housing prices in the U.S. have left Gingerbread people, notorious speculators on the holiday ginger bread housing market, unnerved.  Many have over extended themselves on huge bakery payments in the hope of unloading gingerbread-fabricated homes and high-sugar condos for quick handsome profits. 

"I don't know what I am going to do now," said Bob, a Gingerbread real estate player who works for Coldwell Baker.  "I bought this last place as a candy fixer-uper.  It was only plain gingerbread when I got the deed.  I added expensive candy sofit and fascia, pricey frosting landscaping and other improvements and refinements.  I put in freaking real licorice plumbing!  I will be lucky to recoup half of my investment."

What really has Bob miffed is that Santa Claus, despite his entire jolly image, can be a real ball breaker when the bakery payment is due.  Santa currently owns the deed to the property through his bakery company, North Pole Baked Goods Realty.  He is typically merciless when it comes to late payments.

"You would think Santa would have a little understanding," said Bob. "I have been on time with my payments for years.  So, I have a couple tough months and he is ready to foreclose.  He said he will simply auction off my gingerbread house to the lowest bidder - some snot-nosed kid who will probably dip the whole thing in milk!"

Santa Claus was unmoved by Bob's concerns. "It is time the gingerbread housing market went through a correction," Santa said.  "The prices were too high for too long.  If the gingerbread people planned ahead like the Elves this wouldn't be a big deal...  These gingerbread speculators were not baked yesterday.  Bob knew what he was getting into....  He doesn't even live in that house....  He was trying to flip it to cash in on the real estate baked-good craze and got burned."

Bob was nonplussed by Santa's response. "The Anderson family of Naperville (Ill.) bailed out on the deal at the last minute...  Otherwise, I would have been sitting pretty.  You got to do something to make money nowadays.  Not like Santa is hiring any gingerbread people for his toy factory. Gnome Depot won't even hire you unless you are a gnome - isn't that discrimination?  Santa is no different.  You have be an elf to get into the Elf's Union....  What else am I going to do but sell gingerbread homes?"

Santa said he has a week until he reports him to the credit bureaus.  After that, he will take his gingerbread house and give it to someone that gives a shit, he said.

We hate it when it gets ugly.  It is so not keeping with the Christmas spirit!

(E-Mail Silly Suggestions / Silly Questions to SILLY@CoverUps.com)