Headless Horseman Tired of Being Labeled
"Just Another Running QB Who
Doesn't Use His head" - CoverUps.com

The Headless Horseman is tired of being labeled a run first, throw second QB. He likens his predicament to that of talented but stereotyped black quarterbacks in the NFL.

By Matthew "Scratch" De Reno
CoverUps.com Investigator 

SLEEPY HOLLOW - New England Patriots 3rd string backup QB, The Headless Horseman, who didn't play college football but made the team as an undrafted free agent in 2006, wants to shed his image as a quarterback that is gifted athletically yet not capable of making "heady" decisions oftentimes the hallmark of the great ones. 

"Why is it that I can't be accepted for just being a good quarterback?"  The Headless Horseman asked.  "I mean I can sit back in the pocket all day and sling them like the Manning brothers, but if I see a gap, yes, I will shoot through it... I am on a horse after all....  It would be stupid to just sit back there....  That doesn't make me a run first and pass second quarterback.... That doesn't make me a dumber quarterback than one with little or no mobility like Drew Bledsoe. I am flat sick of the labels." 

The Headless Horseman told CoverUps.com that he now appreciates what gifted black quarterbacks, who are often given such run first, pass second labels in the NFL, have to deal with.  

However, other football analysts disagreed with the Headless Horseman's view that he is considered a dumb quarterback because he can't make mentally tough decisions and it has anything to do with him being a mythological creature on a horse. 

"There is no racism involved here at all," said Mike Golic, of the Mike & Mike Show on ESPN Radio.  "I think most analysts are referring to the fact he actually has no freaking head at all!  It is just a stump.  I mean what else can you do but take on a label that he is somewhat headless back there... because, well, it is the truth." 

Terrell Owens aside, the Headless Horseman is perhaps the only player in the NFL who actually does not have a physical head (Note: NFL's strict rules guidelines require the Headless Horseman to wear a helmet on the pumpkin he carry's around during the game).  

Many other players complain that he should not be allowed to ride his horse during games either as it presents an unfair advantage.  However, Pittsburgh Steelers team president Art Rooney, Jr. said that, like vampires, horses are afraid of Steelers' linebacker Joey Porter, so it does not really worry them that much.  Baltimore Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis is reported to have eaten horses on occasions too.   

Monday Night Football Analyst Joe Theisman said that until the Headless Horseman can figure out the "4-3" defense he will always be labeled a gifted, but nonetheless "headless" quarterback. 

The Headless Horseman took offense to Theisman's comment that "Dracula," 2nd team QB for the Oakland Raiders, is the prototypical drop back style quarterback and a very smart one at that.  

"Dracula not only has an impressive command of creatures of the night but of the game itself," Theisman said.  "Dracula has a powerful arm and is hard to sack because he can change into a gaseous form...  He knows when he can throw...  The Headless Horseman would still be called Headless even if he had a head." 

However, others are standing by the Headless Horseman. 

"Dracula is easy to game plan against," said Steelers Head Coach Bill Cower, who sometimes looks like Dracula when he prowls the sidelines.   "We simply hung a wreath of garlic around Troy Polamalu's (Steelers strong safety) neck last year and Dracula performed very poorly. 

Cower went on to say The Headless Horsemen worries him to death becuase of his ability to scramble.   

First, he said, you can't read his eyes, because he does not have a head.  Second, Cower said, many people don't know why he was really called the "The Legend of Sleepy Hollow," but he does.  It had nothing to too with terrorizing citizens, he said.   

Cower claims it was because Headless Horseman once threw for 800 yards, tossed 16 TDs and combined for a whopping 968 all-purpose yards against a high school football team. Moreover, he trampled 4 linebackers to death and killed one by throwing his pumpkin at the kid. Cower said he wishes he could have drafted Headless Horseman.   

CoverUps.com went straight to horse's mouth.  We asked Headless Horseman if Dracula was a better QB.   

"Dracula should switch to baseball," Headless told CoverUps.com.  

Perplexed, we asked him why.   

"Isn't it obvious?" Headless said, laughing demonically, "Because he has a lot of bats!"   

(E-Mail Silly Suggestions / Silly Questions to SILLY@CoverUps.com)