New Kellogg’s Cereal
Raises Questions – CoverUps.com

Kellogg’s is introducing a new wafer-based cereal containing little black question marks. Each wafer will contain a surprise flavor ranging from banana to grape. The cereal is raising many questions about the use of correct punctuation in cereal. It has especially raised the ire of multilingual groups that make use of the question mark in different semantic constructions. It has left many confused.

By Scratch De Reno
CoverUps.com Investigator

BATTLECREEK, MI – Kellogg’s cereal is raising a lot of questions with its latest cereal. It is currently untitled so it is raising even more confusion, since it seems that its intended purpose is to ask questions. It is solely a 'question mark' cereal, which is composed of wafer with little question marks on them. Each wafer contains surprise flavors ranging from chocolate, cherry, strawberry and kiwi. There might even be some chocolate in there, too.

“The real question is whether this cereal is healthy for you or not,” said FDA spokesmen Tom Chocula III, a grandson of Count Chocula of General Mills. “There is no nutritional information available on this cereal and that raises more questions than a bowl full of this tasteless cereal.”

Frank Berry, a pot-smoking marketing manager at General Mills and nephew of Franken Berry of General Mills, agreed.

“This cereal really sucks,” he said. “There is no question about it. Whoever invented this cereal must have been really high.”

Defenders of the cereal at Kellogg's claim that Chocula and Berry are simply part of smear campaign to defame the “question mark” cereal, so as to maintain the dominance of their monster-themed related cereal fortunes.

However, this is not so, says Chocula III. “I am lucky because I am related to a great man who is both a cooky vampire and a cereal fanatic,” he told CoverUps.com. “He is frankly nuts about cereal and taught me everything I know. This question mark cereal is too elusive and that is their problem.”

To counter what it views as plot by the sugary cereal elite, CoverUps.com has learned that Kellogg’s plans to seek the endorsement of cereal industry pariah Captain Crunch, to defend the case of the question mark cereal.

Captain Crunch, a recovering alcoholic, who is no longer in the public eye like he once was, told us he was all too happy to get involved in the question mark cereal escapade, even if it meant threatening his personal safety. “The Choculas and Berrys are behind this,” Crunch said. “They've even sent death threats, like anonymous “Got Milk?” ads. Worse, many of these threats are made using one of our alphabet decoders from a box of Captain Crunch. That’s plain sick, just f---n sick.”

Crunch shrugged it off, however. “They won’t make a move though…. Not if they don't want those pictures of Lucky Charms ever made public… Oops… I said too much.”

Disturbing, to say the least, we asked Crunch for assurances that that nobody’s milk would get spilled over the question mark cereal debacle. Crunch said he couldn't make any promises.

(Scratch De Reno can be reached at Scratch@CoverUps.com)