Report Cites Alarming Rise in
U.S. Supermodel Crime Rate - CoverUps.com

Supermodel "Jessie" is wanted by the law in Texas for a Sak's Fifth Avenue department store shooting spree that left four overbearing sales clerks dead.

By Scratch DeReno
CoverUps.com Investigator

New York - In a rather alarming development, the Seventh United Nations Survey of Crime Trends and Operations of Criminal Justice systems, covering the period from 2002 - 2006, reports a disturbing rise in the percentage of violent crimes among North American female supermodels.

"Models as a prime indicator of overall crime have historically been irrelevant, said fashion policeman Carl Berg, who until recently spent most years simply busting people that couldn't coordinate properly. "Now, that is all changed. They are becoming violent and the fashion police are not equipped to handle this kind of criminal."

Berg, who previously designed handbags for Benetton before becoming a fashion policeman, said most female models were simply into the latest fashions and styles and how skinny they are. Traditionally, they were very passive, he said. Lately, they seem to have become much more violent and we are not sure why, he said. It used to be they just shop-lifted; now many are heavily armed, he said.

Office Depot Manager Barry Corbinson, Hoboken, NJ was busted by the fashion police last year for wearing rainbow suspenders and a flower patterned necktie. Barry has not been laid in ten years.

Paris, New York, London and Los Angeles are the main cities to have witnessed an outbreak of supermodel crime.

The report cites a McDonald's employee who was pistol whipped when she asked if the supermodel that had just ordered a full glass water with ice cubes on the side, if she cared to try a combo meal. Another incident involves a shooting where the supermodel claims to have been given a "snooty look" that made her feel like normal person.

"Some guy approached me at swank dance club the other day and I thought he had asked me to dance," said Russian super model Anna Bulimia. "However, when I asked him if he had just asked me to dance he said 'no-you look fat in those pants.' So, I blew the creep away with the tech-nine I had in my purse."

Other supermodels have openly confessed to such violent acts and don't plan on disarming any time soon.

Dolce & Gabanna supermodel Gabriella Melanoma, who killed a man last year for asking where she got her boob work done while shopping at a Neiman Marcus store, was unrepentant.

"So many men are crass pigs," Melanoma said. "In my opinion, they deserve what they get. No one really cares about the plight of supermodels. Everybody thinks it's easy being this beautiful and skinny. Well, no longer will we tolerate this attitude. We have brains, too."

Impressive brains at that!

(Wonder where she got'em done?)

(Scratch DeReno can be reached at Scratch@CoverUps.com)