Toddler gambling on upswing;
child advocates throw tantrums – CoverUps.com
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“Baby Face” Tommy Nelson of Amarillo, Texas, won 6 million dollars last year in online Texas Hold ‘Em tournaments – and another 2 million in celebrity poker tournaments. |
By Matthew “Scratch” De Reno
CoverUps InvestigatorLAS VEGAS – In an astonishing and troubling trend in the world of infant gaming, new studies show that children are naturally gifted poker players. The findings confirm anecdotes about toddlers reaping fortunes at online poker sites and Texas hold ‘em tournaments across the U.S. The new findings have left child development advocates throwing tantrums and sitting in “time-out” corners from coast to coast.
“The last thing we need is for 5-year-olds to log into online tournaments and start betting their parent’s money!!!!” screamed Judith Danforth of the Institute for Parenting Nice Children in Chicago.
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Judith Danforth of the Institute for Parenting Nice Children in Chicago has issues with the rise of toddler gamblers. |
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By definition, kids have great poker faces. They have few “tells” to signal their hand to other players. Most kids just pout, don’t pay attention or simply giggle and act all cute. Makes it pretty tough to figure out if they picked up that second Ace on the last pass. |
Since 1971, World Series of Poker (WSOP) events have played host to an ever escalating tide of toddlers. In 2005, a five-card stud tournament of no limit Texas Hold 'Em was won by 5-year old “Poopy Face” Tommy Nelson. Since then, more and more crumb crunchers are anteing up.
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| Stan “Stone Face” Corrigan is not only a gifted poker player but a country singer . Legend has it he’s never been caught bluffing because he has only one facial expression (see above). He raked in over 3 million smackers in celeb poker tournaments last year. He sat at a table recently with Hollywood actors James Wood, Eric Estrada and ex-football player Shannon Sharpe. He took them for $200,000. |
In 2005 there were 568 entrants in various WSOP events. In 2006, that number rose to over 1,123 players under the age of 6. In the main event alone, participants under the age of 5 grew from 39 in 2003 to 773 in 2006.
“It’s like friggin Daddy Daycare in there,” said grizzled-old-bastard Dan Atkins, who won his first tournament in 1989.
Kenny “The Terrible Deuces” Falconbridge is 4 ½ – and 10th on the World Series of Poker money list, with winnings totaling in the millions. His parents have to go through his executive secretary to see him. |
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We asked Kenny “The Terrible Deuces” Falconbridge about spending real money his parents had earmarked for college on online gambling sites and poker tournaments.
“I’m not part of the piggy bank crowd pal,” said the pugnacious tot. “That’s for all the other kids…. There are suckers out there just begging me to take their money… No way you’ll ever see this tike sit around in day care. I can make some serious loot in Vegas.”
So it’s true what they say: kids grow up so fast nowadays.
Danforth shrugged in resignation, doubling-down on the gloomy hand the culture had dealt her. “Watching toddlers gamble is enough to break parents’ hearts.”
Or, spades, diamonds and clubs.
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