New Venezuelan "Crime Fighting" Blimp
Powered by Chavez Ego – CoverUps.com

A crime-fighting Zeppelin intended to monitor illicit activity on the streets of Caracas, a notoriously dangerous place where people get waxed all the time. Many Venezuelans feel that parading around in a balloon with video cameras is an Orwellian night-mare come true. Others say it's just more “hot air” from Venezuelan socialist gasbag Hugo Chavez, who blows enough hot air to operate a fleet of Zeppelins free of charge.

By Scratch DeReno
CoverUps.com Investigator

CARACAS - Venezuela launched a Zeppelin on Thursday to patrol Caracas, seeking to fight crime in one of Latin America's most dangerous cities. Many claim that the crime fighting blimp is powered on the hot air consistently blown by President Hugo Chavez, a seemingly limitless source of fuel.

“Yes, we are fortunate Chavez is filled with so much hot air, he could power a blimp indefinitely, but really, do you want a big freaking Macy’s balloon tracking your every move?” said Rodrigo Gonzales, a hot dog vendor. “We may not always agree with you Gringos, but we think you wouldn’t want a hot air balloon powered by Bush’s hot air chasing you everywhere… This really sucks!”

Around the hot dog stalls of the run-down suburb where the airship took its first flight, some citizens felt the unmanned “eye-in-the-sky” could help counter routine hold-ups, shootings and carjackings – a way of life for many Venezuelans. However, others wondered what the hell a balloon would do to prevent crime? After all, could it drop an anvil on a criminal?

The $465,000 Zeppelin, built by South Korean firm HanGIS, is the first of three such craft that will beam images into a command center. Police will be able to control the blimps remotely, steering them to their hearts delight over the city of about 5 million. They are just not sure what purpose the blimp will serve other than to really "creep out" the citizens.

In the refined cafes of east Caracas, there was even more skepticism. Some even condemned the blimps as a waste of public money. After all, how would the blimp work in bad weather? Or at night, when Caracas is most risky, resembling a shuttered-up ghost town?

"This is not just Big Brother – it is Big Chavez… It is not going to solve crime," said Jose Luis, a lawyer. “There has been a strong sense of the State keeping tabs on the opposition in Venezuela since a 2004 recall referendum against Chavez, in which the president won easily.”

Luis said those who signed a petition seeking the referendum complain their identities were made public, thus affecting their chances of employment in the state sector.

“What it comes down to,” Luis added, “is simply a whole lot of hot air and nothing more. Power still manages to concentrate in one individual.”

And isn’t that the crux of socialism?

(Scratch De Reno can be reached at Scratch@CoverUps.com)