FBI Uses Ninjas to Spy on
Corrupt U.S. Congressman - CoverUps.com

Armed with a camera, this ninja takes photos of sensitive documents, including Congressional Speaker of the House Representatives Denis Hastert's dirty laundry list. Hastert's laundry list, which he wants the FBI to return immediately, shows he dropped off 4 shirts, 20 gray suits and a pair of golfing slacks at Chong's Cleaners in Alexandria, VA Thursday.

By Scratch DeReno
CoverUps.com Investigator

WASHINGTON - The Republican bull-slinger of the House of Representatives and a leading House Democratic mouthpiece, in an incomparable display of synchronized fibbing, escalated a constitutional flap with the Bush administration on Wednesday over the FBI's seizures of files from suspected congressional bribe takers.

Essentially, House Speaker Dennis Hastert, R-Ill., and Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi, D-Calif. have obtained real video footage of illegal FBI raids on their offices. The shocking stills show images of ninjas and give a rare insight into how the FBI works.

This video still shows a Ninja caught with his hand in Denis Hastert's cookie jar-literally! He keeps the cookie jar on top of the refrigerator that has all the bribe money in it.

CoverUps obtained video stills of the raid by bribing staff members of both Hastert and Pelosi, who gladly agreed to hand over the video, providing we didn't plan on selling the footage for a profit and using that profit to open a casino on certain North American Indian reservations.

Sounded like it was on the up and up, so we obliged.

This ninja was caught ransacking the offices of Nancy Pelosi. She captured this still on her web cam, which she forgot was left logged-on after spending several hours chatting on MySpace.com.

Surprisingly, Hastert appeared more upset of personal things he claims were removed from his chambers rather than anything of a fraudulent nature, reflective of an abuse of power or compromise of national security.

"I Tivo'd every friggin episode of American Idol and my whole system is gone," said an exasperated Hastert. "I mean the Government is capable of some low things, but that is really bad. Plus, my burned DVD Sopranos collection is missing. Now, I will never know what happened to Vito (Gay character who gets killed in Episode no. 74)"

Pelosi agreed.

I empathize with my colleague-in-arms," Pelosi said. "They took my DVR. I missed the whole American Idol crowning too. Did the gray-haired guy win?"

Pelosi is adamant the FBI return every item they seized from her office, including the Al Gore bobble-head.

"That thing is going to be worth money one day," she said."Trust me."

Pelosi claims the FBI intends to use the American Idol tapes (the early rounds at least) as a mild form of psychological torture to detainees at Guantanamo Bay. She also said that despite being a Republican, Hastert is as trustworthy and honorable as congressman they come."

(Not saying a whole lot there-huh, Nance?)

We tested her theory by asking Hastert if he would swing government land deals in exchange for a valuable and rare Al Gore bobble-head.

Hastert didn't flinch: "What kind of condition is the bobble-head in?"

The FBI had no comment on the use of ninjas to obtain congressional documents.

(E-Mail Silly Suggestions / Silly Questions to SILLY@CoverUps.com)