Real Estate Mogul Nangork
Contemplates U.S. Presidency in 2008 – CoverUps.com

U.S. citizen Rarf Nangork, who is actually a Grey Alien from the Alpha Centauri solar system, has announced plans to form an exploratory committee to run for the US Presidency in 2008. Senator Barrack Obama, who bares an uncanny resemblance to Rarf Nangork, is “friggin pissed” says one political insider. Hilary Clinton suspects he is merely the agent of a vast interstellar conspiracy.

By "Scratch" De Reno
CoverUps.com Investigator

CHICAGO, IL – Real estate mogul, Uranus brewer, and interstellar alien entrepreneur and registered Illinois Democrat, Rarf Nangork, rose to prominence in the lucrative South Florida real estate market before getting into state politics and moving to Chicago’s trendy Lakefront Drive district. He recently held a press conference at Chicago’s 'House of Blues' hotel, announcing his run for US Presidency in 2008.

“I think I can do wonders for Earth” said Nangork, who was first interested in coming to Earth to abduct humans for his biology classes several millennia ago (something his opponents are sure to latch onto). However, he claims to have since fallen in love with Earthlings - Americans in particular - and feels he would make a great leader of the people.

“I like the way Earth spins – especially America,” he said. “It is my kind of planet, eh, place. You can have fun here… Believe, me they don’t have 'Hooters' (the restaurant) in outer space, or anywhere else for that matter... Only in America, folks!”

Cynics argue that Nangork is merely an “interstellar carpet-bagger” and only likes us because of how easily impressed humans were with something as ridiculously simple as Stonehenge. He is on the record as saying the artifact is nothing more than stacked blocks designed to enthrall imbecile life forms. After that, critics say, he knew he could make a buck here and has since adopted us as his own.

“Nangork is only here to enslave us,” said a spokesman for Hilary Rodham Clinton. “Maybe they are not using death rays or anything like that… But, his objective is still the same – enslave us all.”

Despite his critics, Nangork, who was born in the Alpha Centauri Solar System, could become the nation's first interstellar alien president from outer space (A loophole, because the Constitution says nothing about being born in another Solar System).

“Hey, America was formed on the bedrock of immigration,” Nangork told CoverUps.com at his press conference. “I am no different than the Irish in that regard. Except that I drank human blood – but not anymore… I mean I haven’t had human blood in eight hundred years.”

It is worth noting that Nangork is the only sentiment being to ever run for President who actually strives to enslave all of humanity. But, he is adamant that those days are long gone. He has even recanted his statements about Stonehenge and what simple beings we are.

"I was struck by how hungry everyone was for a different kind of politics. So I spent some time thinking about how I could best advance the cause of change and progress that we so desperately need, “Nangork said. “I am not from inside the beltway… Heck, I am not even from Inside the Milky Way.”

Nangork’s platform is hard to nail down. He thinks trying to send a manned flight to Mars is really stupid. “There’s nothing on Mars except that face. Believe me; I know…I built it.” Other than that, he is all for “preservation of orbital rotation” and is against “Earth burning” and feels that it should be illegal, despite its obviousness.

Nangork said he also brings an innate ability to brainwash the public, versus the commercial-based propaganda campaigns that all too often the mark of party politics here in the US. He said his brainwashing techniques will be good in courting world opinion, not that we need it.

Rumors have surfaced that Presidential hopeful Senator Barrack Obama is “friggin pissed” about having Nangork in the race. He allegedly believes he and Nangork bare an uncanny resemblance and that Nangork is using the confusion to bolster his image with the people. Obama was also steamed about Nangork’s new book: "The Audacity of Carbon-based Life forms." He claims it is blatant rip off of his "Audacity of Hope" book.

However, Nangork doesn’t see it that way. “When I came here to Earth, I had nothing but you humans on my back…. Now look how far I have come…. That’s America baby. If I can make it, anyone of you simple Carbon-based life from can make it, too.”

Nangork added that he is not the first alien from outer space to make a foray into politics. His cousin, Al Gore, was actually vice president at one time. Wow! Al Gore is an alien?

We asked him if it were true that his cousin Al Gore did indeed invent the Internet. We are not sure what to make of his answer. He laughed. “He told you that? If you believe it, I have some something called Stonehenge I would like to sell you… Oh, wait, you bought that a long time ago!”