Terrorist Lending Institutions Grapple
With High Student Loan Default Rate – CoverUps.com

A terrorist bomb one second prior to explosion. Naturally, we're lucky to have the photo (although that was it for the photographer.) In any case, teaching terrorists to build such things requires terrorist funding and when that doesn’t suffice, many teachers of terror are getting stuck with defaulted loans, primarily because the people who borrowed the money for training fail to pay it back before they blow themselves up.

By Scratch DeReno
CoverUps.com Investigator

ACROSS THE MIDDLE EAST – Jalal Zabari runs a suicide-bomber recruitment center in an undisclosed location in the eastern parts of insurgent infested Iraq. However, he frets that more and more students are defaulting on their suicide-bomber school loans and are blowing themselves up before the loans even go into repayment. Often, it is left to the terror instructor to collect on the defaulted debt. Zabari wants this to end.

“We are an educational terrorist institution, not a collection agency,” said Zabari, while wearing a mask and working on a bomb. “I mean, money doesn’t grow on palm leaves around here. I keep approving admission because there is a need, but I keep getting screwed in the end. We may have to convert over to just being a school of anti-American rhetoric. That type would be much more profitable to run.”

Zabari says he plans to defray some of the cost though creative new programs. Such as a threatening to slaughter a family member of a suicide bomber if they don’t settle their educational loans before killing themselves and others.

“We don’t want it to have to come to this,” Zabari said, pausing to connect a few wires on a stick of dynamite, “But, what else can we do? The US has effectively frozen all assets of the banks that used to loan us money. Those funds have to come somewhere. These guys are already the bottom of the barrel. Many don’t even know how to add.”

Zabari detailed some of the newer lending programs that might make it easier for students to enroll in institutions of higher carnage and propaganda. "We've created the Low Interest Osama Loan, which starts out with easily manageable interest only payments for the first couple months. Then, you have to pay the whole thing or we behead you," said Zabari.

“There are problems to be solved, and now we won’t loose our heads over it,” Zabari mused, “But, they might,” he added, laughing.

Then, Zabari accidentally blew himself up. Now, we guess, he can collect in-person.

(Scratch De Reno can be reached at Scratch@CoverUps.com)