Chemists Gone Wild;
Las Vegas Hotel Trashed - CoverUps.com

Dr. Harry Sobel is the prime suspect behind the trashing of a Las Vegas Hilton Hotel recently.

By Scratch DeReno
CoverUps.com Investigator

LAS VEGAS - Police were called Thursday to arrest 14 preeminent researchers and scientists in the field of biochemistry who allegedly trashed a Las Vegas area Hilton. The researchers and scientist were attendees at two competing weeklong conferences: The Evolution of Molecular structure and the 7th International Symposium on Plant Hormones. Add alcohol to the mix and you have the makings of a disaster.

The remains of a Las Vegas area Hilton after two biochemical conference attendees ran amuck.

"This put the Navy Tailhook gang to shame," said Hilton Hotel Manager Guy Dickey. "They don't look like much-nerds really-but these are some of the brightest minds in the world -- and they're a menace. They don't just trash rooms like rock stars; they make chemical soups that level whole city blocks. Who knows what they're mixing in those beakers."

Dr. Wolfgang Schmuck of the University of Washington's Department of Biochemistry attempts to choke our photographer for snapping this photo. Some call him the ringleader behind many of the shenanigans that took place at the 7th International Symposium on Plant Hormones. He is alleged to have organized a fake "gay mob" of the conference next door that left eleven doctoral candidates bow-legged and two suites terminally redecorated.

They also took obnoxious amounts of the shrimp cocktails and all the free booze they could guzzle. When he was called out by a suspicious colleague, he punched the man in the face.

Dickey suspected all along it would get out of hand. He cited an incident in the hotel lobby between the two conference attendees as they were checking into the hotel. He claims one researcher accused another of urinating in his beaker at a conference last year. Another accused a scientist of being unable to make water if "…he were spotted one hydrogen and two oxygen molecules."

"Next thing I knew, a chair flew across the lounge," Dickey said. "Then all hell broke loose."

Firefighters extinguish a car overturned and set aflame during a melee amongst biochemists.

Pete Romero, a bell hop, saw everything.

'I was there," he said. "One made a chromosome joke about the other's mom and boom! The whole lounge was brawling. Next thing you know, the whole building blew to kingdome come. I was lucky to get out alive."

Dickey claims many of the chemists mixed explosive chemical baths in their rooms. Arson investigators are still determining if they had a role in the hotel exploding.

Dickey said he would think twice about reserving rooms for a planned international conference on particle physics next year, even though physics and biochemistry are different scientific fields of study.

"These guys are all nuts. From now on, anyone with an overhead projector and a bottle of bourbon will be told they are not welcome."

(Scratch DeReno can be reached at Scratch@CoverUps.com)