Researchers Mull Scrapping Internet: Al Gore
Threatens to Pack it Up & Take it Home – CoverUps.com

At his wits end, Brian Jeffries, 28, of Naperville, IL, keeps trying to log on his computer, only to discover there is no longer an Internet! Al Gore packed it up and took it home with him after hearing some disturbing news that researchers were considering scrapping the Internet for something better.

By Scratch DeReno
CoverUps.com Investigator

THE WORLD WIDE WEB – Researchers at several prominent universities including Stanford, MIT and Carnegie Mellon are looking into “junking the Internet” for something that works smoother and is based on a more sound foundation rather than the currently hodgepodged set of global technology that we commonly call the Internet.

“Frankly we are surprised that the Internet functions at all,” said computer science researcher Albrecht Kessler of MIT, who suffered an eye loss last year from a pencil poking injury while looking down his shirt pocket. “Using today’s technology we can junk the old format and revamp it onto a newer and better technology. It just might be time to pitch the Internet as we know it in the garbage…”

Shown above: Ex-Vice-President, Al Gore's back-up copy of the Internet. Surprisingly, the whole thing can fit on a specially designed CD-ROM - a gift from a “business associate" in China from "way back in the day." Gore plans to take the Internet back and put it in a box in his garage.

Upon hearing news of the research, self-styled Inventor of the Internet, Al Gore, was none too pleased about the idea of scraping his invention. Gore allegedly threatened to take his “f—king Internet home with him and put it in his garage.

“You know if my invention is not appreciated,” Gore said, “Then maybe I should take it home with me and keep it all to myself. Let me see how you like them apples you freaking idiots….”

Gore said as he gallivants around the world in fossil fuel guzzling jets harping about how much fuel Americans waste, that everyday Americans can surely use his Internet to keep him happy.”

Gore went on to say that using his Internet was a privilege and that he would expect some sense of obligation to keep using the thing long into the future, even if something better was invented.

“It worked before,” he said, miffed at the thought of his Internet being scrapped. “It should work for long time to come. It would be too expensive to switch now.”

We reminded Gore that according to his global warming theories we were all going to be wiped out anyway - so what was the big deal about saving some money in the short-run?”

As the hatch door to his private jet closed, he said, “Royalties, baby, royalties. Royalties.”