Scientists Have No Idea
WTF This Is – CoverUps.com

Researchers at the Jawaharlal Nehru Centre for Advanced Scientific Research don’t have a f--king idea what this thing might be or how it got there… They turned to CoverUps.com for help. We told them we could help them investigate this mystery. We hate to say it now, but… well, read on.

By "Scratch" De Reno
CoverUps.com Investigator

JAKKUR, BANGALORE, India – Researchers at the Jawaharlal Nehru Centre for Advanced Scientific Research were called in to investigate a most unusual floating monolith over a patch of brush in the foothills of the Himalayan Mountains last month, CoverUps.com recently learned. Their advanced scientific analysis was that they "have no f--king clue what it is, either."

Public relations assistant, Sachin Belavada, of Jawaharlal Nehru Centre for Advanced Scientific Research made the startling announcement at a press conference last week. The analysis stunned the scientific community who many thought if anyone, their researchers would know exactly what that f--- that thing was floating on the countryside. Nope!

"It is very unusual for sure," Belavada said. "But, really who knows what the f--k that thing is?… It does defy gravity, which is really neat. But, your guess is as good as ours. There is no precedent for these sorts of things… Maybe in outer space, but that is your neck of the woods, not ours." Belavada tol CoverUps.com.

Belavada said the next step for Jawaharlal Nehru Centre for Advanced Scientific Research was to contact CoverUps.com for our expert analysis and input in hopes of finding out what the f--k this thing is. This was highly unusual and unprecedented in the scientific community. After all, are we not the snake oil charlatans of pseudo science and other really cool shit, as one scientist described us as last year in one of the journals?

We here at CoverUps.com held a thorough investigation and consulted with experts. We came to the very conclusion that they did - we don’t know what the f--k it is either. However, we started using our very own theory called “Clavin’s Razor” to help with eliminating what it isn't. After all, if we can prove what it is not, we might have a stab at what it really is (Okay, we're on crack).

"Clavin's Razor" is based on the postulate of the character 'Cliff Clavin' from the 80's American hit sitcom, "Cheers." In response to a "Jeopardy" question regarding famous US historic leaders, Clavin, a mailman who seemingly knew all trivia, was stumped. He answered "People who have never been in my kitchen" when given the names of several Founding Fathers. Technically, Clavin was correct, much to the chagrin of Alex Trebek. Thus, we can postulate using "Clavin's Razor" as a starting point for scientific inquiry to determine the true nature of the unknowable. This almost never fails and, if anything, makes for good talk at the local bar.

We made sure it was known that whatever the f--k this is has never, ever been in our kitchen. That explanation was good enough for them. We haven't heard back from anyone since.