NBA Changes its image with
new “Business professional” uniforms – CoverUps.com
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Boston Celtic point guard Antonio Mirabella takes one to the rack in the Celtic’s newest basketball uniform, which some are calling their “IBM Home Whites.” |
By Matthew “Scratch” De Reno
CoverUps.com InvestigatorBOSTON — In a drastic departure from its current hip-hop street-cool image, the National Basketball Association is replacing the traditional baggy shorts and loose-fitting nylon tank tops with what many are calling “business professional attire” – which many observers consider to be more appropriate to a boardroom than a basketball court.
“It's all part of our plan to do something about our ‘thug’ image,” said NBA Commissioner David Stern. “The way things were going, our teams would've been donning wife-beaters and gold chains… This (new uniform change) will swing the pendulum the other way.”
But many players don't like the idea.
Josephus Moses, a 6’7 swingman for the Denver Nuggets, leads the NBA in both assists and children out of wedlock. He feels the league is way out of line.
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Josephus Moses, Denver Nuggets Point Guard, hates the NBA's new uniform rules. During a recent modeling session, Moses thumbed his nose at the league by leaving his collar unbuttoned and his French cuffs looking like a putain had undone them. The loosely-knotted tie also violates the new code. The NBA is striking back by fining Moses $10,000 per day until he gets his sartorial act together. |
“This is all bullshit,” a clearly miffed Moses said. “First they crack down on how we dress at games, and now this – playing ball in pima-cotton Oxfords and silk ties. Whatever happened to hip-hop? They know that sells. I just don’t get it.”
But Stern has little sympathy for hotheads like Moses.
“They want to keep on keepin' on with their pimp-daddy act, fine by me,” Stern laughed. “But before they take it to the rack, they have to go to the suit rack. I guarantee it.”
Stern also said those who like the criminal image should take solace.
“More criminals dress in a suit and tie than any other gear,” he said. “These new duds are more bad-ass than ever. They should be thanking me.”
(“Scratch” De Reno can be reached at Scratch@CoverUps.com)
